Qotd

“Using Yoda on an x86 may be hazardous to your systems’ health” — ntvdm.exe, starting at byte 0x00063a70

“UPS Ground – Guaranteed day-definite delivery to every address in the U.S. 50 states and Puerto Rico” — UPS Shipping Services

I’m rather curious as to how long it takes to send to Hawaii by Ground…

Often, there is no good answer. There are only tradeoffs.

“After delivery, an addressee may mark a mailpiece “Refused” and return it within a reasonable time, if the piece or any attachment is not opened.” — USPS DMM 508 §1.1.3

I’ve been in the habit lately of refusing all my junk mail. I certainly don’t want to pay for removing the trash I get in the mail. Why not make the sender pay for it? (Undeliverable first class mail will get returned to the sender, while undeliverable presorted standard mail (which is most junk mail) will get disposed of by the USPS. That’s just a part of the service that a mailer is buying when paying postage.)

“It’s time to upgrade.

Your copy of Microsoft money includes online services for three years. To continue enjoying use of services like investment tracking and synchronization with MSN Money, please act now and upgrade to Money 2006.” — Microsoft Money 2003, when I opened it today.

(This is from memory, so I’m paraphrasing, but this is pretty close.)

“You must make the following declaration: You swear under penalty of perjury that the information you’ve provided here is correct. To make this declaration, press 1.” — The Massachusetts Telefile system

I have to wonder just how legally enforceable that is.

Also, for federal taxes, I’d like to recommend TaxAct, because they’re free (without the income limits the other online providers have for free services). They just really, really, really try to upsell you to their “deluxe” and state tax products. I had a pretty good experience with them. And, I just can’t bring myself to pay any money, to anybody, just to get back what’s already mine, and been mine all along.

Warning! Individuals whom you invite to view your designs will receive your username and password via e-mail.
— The “invite a friend to see your designs” feature of a competitor’s web site

Illegal income. Illegal income, such as money from dealing illegal drugs, must be included in your income on Form 1040, line 21, or on Schedule C or Schedule C-EZ (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity. — IRS Publication 17, Your Federal Income Tax

“Discharge of a nuclear weapon will be deemed a warlike act even if accidental.” — Excerpt from my house insurance policy